Dericka Canada Cunningham, GBW Founder
March 13, 2023
This Week's Anchor
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—
his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2 (NIV)
You know, one of the toughest things about life is that much of what we experience, whom we encounter and the impact of both are beyond our control. In my work as a psychologist, I journey alongside folks as they unpack the baggage and peel back the layers of the deep impact of life. When we first name the experiences and impact, it’s common for folks to carry a degree of shame for how they have survived. In my best efforts of validation, I remind clients that our ways of coping (i.e., behaviors, attitudes, perspectives, and relationships) have served and at moments protected us at points in our lives. Whether you learned to have “tough skin” to survive harsh conditions, to distance yourself when you are overwhelmed or feeling misunderstood, to overwork and keep busy to avoid difficult feelings, or anxiously try your best to appease and keep the peace, we’ve all learned mechanisms to help us survive some of life’s most challenging moments. Nevertheless, as we evolve and God moves us through seasons, it is not uncommon for those former things that shielded and protected us in one season to no longer serve us in another.
I recently listened to Jill Scott’s J.ill Podcast, and in an episode about navigating the emotion of rage, one brilliant author and educator framed this in a meaningful way. She described rage and other mechanisms of coping as energies that helped us survive but are not helping us heal. I heard this and it immediately resonated with me. It reminded me of the powerful work I’ve done with clients around this topic, but it also brought me back to my own process of unlearning, learning, and re-learning on my journey of healing. Sometimes we transition into new seasons of new relationships, new contexts, and new circumstances with a fight that has carried over from old people, places, and things. I don’t know about you, but I’ve certainly been there—fighting old demons in new seasons. As I listened to this podcast conversation and reflected more, I recalled our anchor scripture and began to feel deeply grateful that God gives us the ability to transform our minds (and emotions and lives). Aren’t you grateful? In a world like this one, one can easily get lost in the sauce. However, God calls us to connect with something deeper (the Holy Trinity) to anchor us and shift our entire perspective on life. Transforming our minds translates to the transformation of our thoughts, behaviors, attitudes, and relationships. Despite how dark and difficult some days may be, we are empowered to grow, change and heal. It isn’t easy walking toward the journey of healing, but it is certainly worth it.
Maybe you are on your own journey of restoration and wondering where can I begin? Well, here are a few insights that I hope inspire you as you transform:
You are not alone—We are all out here trying our best to survive and at times thrive. Our humanity humbles us with this reality. We are not in it alone and we don’t have to do it alone. We can surround ourselves with communities that empower our healing and growth journeys.
God, the Holy Trinity, is able—Not one of us is too far gone for the Holy Trinity to transform. As our anchor scripture reminds us, God has a perfect purpose for every aspect of our lives; therefore, we can have faith that His Will and Power will prevail.
Every feeling is valid and how you have survived is understandable—As I often say, there is no judgment coming from this girl. We can shake off the shame that holds us and give ourselves grace and compassion for the ways we have survived.
We can start with naming, exploring, and understanding—Self-reflection and introspection are great vehicles for self-understanding. When it comes to naming and understanding how we’ve navigated the broad impact of our life experiences, we can identify the mechanisms we have engaged in to survive. In the podcast episode and in her book Healing Rage, Ruth King shares 6 Disguises of Rage, which represent different ways we cope with life’s challenges. Exploring these ways of coping and examining how they presently impact our life can be a great start to change and growth:
Dominance: Being highly self-critical and judgmental; Controlling your world to avoid being controlled by it and keeping others at arm’s length to avoid the fear of needing them.
Defiance: Being perpetually angry and using anger to divert your need for love and approval; Using anger to avoid intimacy.
Distraction: Being busy and never having a minute; Filling your time with diversions to avoid difficult feelings and the fear of occupying and resting in your body.
Devotion: Helping everyone at the expense of oneself; Taking good care of others while often sacrificing your own well-being to avoid knowing and receiving the care you desire and deserve.
Depression: Carrying the weight of the world; Suppressing emotions such as overwhelming feelings of grief and disappointment
Dependence: Not having your own voice; Denying your own personal power and needs out of fear of rejection and losing support and affiliation with others.
Healing is a process, not a destination. We often talk a lot about having patience with others, but it’s ourselves who are the hardest to be patient with. The journey of healing and growing is lifelong; therefore, self-patience and self-grace are required.
As we enter another week, let us have faith in God’s purposed will—trusting in His Divine and restorative transforming power. May we have the wisdom to be still and explore ourselves. May we approach our humanity with love, compassion, and patience. And may we have the courage to approach healing one step and one moment at a time.
Reflection
What is resonating for you about this scripture and/or this devotion?
What do you need from the Holy Trinity to help you grow and heal?
What intention(s) do you want to set to connect and/or reconnect with being grounded this week?
Related Scriptures to Ground You Through this Week
Psalm 34:8
Psalm 51:10-12
Ezekiel 36:24-28
Romans 12:1-7
2 Corinthians 5:17-21
Galatians 5:22-26
My Through-the-Week Reflection Guide
A Song of Inspiration
Quote of Love & Liberation
“You are not betraying your ancestors by healing your trauma.” Abiola Abrams
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