Dericka Canada Cunningham, GBW Founder
August 19, 2024
This Week's Anchor
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with
compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”
Colossians 3:12 (NIV)
As a psychologist and therapist, some of my most rewarding work with clients, particularly Black women, has revolved around helping folks recognize and transform their inner dialogue and foster their relationship with themselves. It’s fascinating how much time and energy we put into nurturing every other aspect and relationship in our lives while often neglecting our self-relationship. If only we could be as kind to ourselves as we are graciously gentle with others. This week's anchor scripture provides direction regarding the posture our hearts should take. We often consider God’s call for loving kindness to be designated for other individuals in our lives. However, I’d like to challenge us to turn the golden rule inward and treat ourselves with the same dignity and respect we are called to give others.
This week’s anchor encourages us to clothe ourselves “with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” It’s simple, yet many of us are challenged to provide these things to others and struggle even more to give them to ourselves. But what if I told you that compassion for others starts with compassion for ourselves? If forgiving ourselves is the hardest and we somehow find a way to master this, our tool of forgiveness is strengthened, and forgiving others is more accessible. Additionally, how we think about and talk to ourselves impacts how we think about and talk to others. How can the same mouth that we use to criticize ourselves be used to uplift others? When we encourage and support others out loud while berating ourselves behind closed doors, we are in some ways operating in…*whispers* hypocrisy. Is the same God-given grace that is sufficient for others not enough for us? If our minds and bodies are our home, how can we treat others well while abandoning and damaging our own inner dwelling?
I didn’t mean to come this week with so many pointed questions. Believe me, as a recovering perfectionist, I share it all with the sincerest stance of non-judgment because I speak from a life that I’ve lived—a life driven by self-criticism and the accompanying anxiety. My journey of discovering the gift of self-compassion and self-grace fuels my passion for empowering that same compassion and grace within others. With that shared, let’s look more closely at our anchor scripture and its broader passage context through the lens of ourselves.
“Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." (v. 12) | Self-compassion is “the ability to turn understanding, acceptance, and love inward” [1]. It reflects our ability to internalize God’s compassion for us. Likewise, self-kindness and gentleness are reflected in our attitude and approach to ourselves. Self-humility involves consistently recognizing and acknowledging our humanness. When we are self-patient, we embrace the process and value progress over perfection. |
“Bear with each other and forgive one another…as the Lord forgave you.” (v. 13) | Bearing with ourselves requires us to be present with ourselves—to give ourselves the space and time of solitude and self-reflection we need. Forgiveness isn’t just for others; it’s also for us. Self-forgiveness requires us “to separate who we are from the mistakes that we’ve made” [2] so that we can learn, grow, and change freely. |
“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (v. 14) | Self-love is just as important as any other love. We put on love not only for others but also for ourselves. In fact, loving ourselves fosters our love for others. It is intricately connected to self-care and requires us to prioritize ourselves and our needs amid our busy lives. |
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.” (v.15) | Berating ourselves is the farthest from peaceful we can be. If the peace of God rules our hearts, it will be reflected in how we talk to and treat ourselves. We are called to peace, not only among others but, more importantly, within ourselves. |
“And be thankful.” (v.16) | Maybe you’ve caught my tune, but guess what? Self-gratitude is also for us too. We can take time to notice our growth and how we’ve changed and appreciate what we offer in our lives, relationships, and world. When was the last time you thanked yourself? Even simple self-gratitude is meaningful (e.g., “Thank you, self, for remembering this”, “thank you, self, for planning ahead and making your life easier at this moment, “Thank you, self for being patient through that challenge”, “thank you, body, for sustaining through everything”). |
We can implement our call to self-compassion in many ways in our lives. Here are a few simple approaches to begin:
A Few Ways to Embrace Self-compassion
Pause and slow down our thoughts and views about ourselves—Getting out of our default of approaching ourselves harshly. Habits reflect an automatic response to a trigger/experience. Changing habits requires us to slow down that response. When we slow down our automatic thoughts about ourselves, we give more space to notice and adjust these thoughts.
Acknowledge and name our true experience with openness and curiosity—Self-compassion is not about denying how we truly feel. It represents an acknowledgment of what we feel, accompanied by a warm presence with ourselves that anchors and sustains us through everything we are feeling and going through.
Observe and monitor your self-talk with gentleness—For many of us, there is a long backdrop and context to the development and evolution of our self-talk. Therefore, we must do so gently and gracefully when attempting to transform how we talk to ourselves. Changing our self-talk starts with increasing our awareness of the content (what we say) and context (why we say it) of our self-talk.
Generate new ways of approaching ourselves—If it’s your nature to be hard on yourself, maybe it’s time to try being gentle and soft with yourself. It’s never too late to try something new, especially if our old ways of being no longer serve us. So, when situations arise, consider how you might take a different approach when talking yourself through them. [For additional tips on navigating your self-talk, click here]
As we begin this week, may we prioritize our sacred relationship with ourselves. May we commit to treating ourselves just a little bit kinder. And may we show ourselves the grace, patience, and love that we not only deserve but are also Divinely granted–remembering that what flows from us can and should also flow back to us.
Reflection
What is resonating for you about this scripture and/or this devotion?
What does your self-talk look, sound, and feel like?
What intention(s) do you want to set to connect and/or reconnect with being grounded this week?
Related Scriptures to Ground You Through this Week
Psalm 139:14
John 1:16
Romans 5:8
Romans 8:1-5
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Ephesians 4:29-32
My Through-the-Week Reflection Guide
A Song of Inspiration
Quote of Love & Liberation
“Learn to be quiet enough to hear the genuine within
yourself so that you can hear it in others.”
Marian Wright Edelman
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